The Hair Disaster/Eulogies

The Hair Disaster
This morning I colored my hair or a better phrase is I attempted to.  Now I look like a Sun City resident, a lady in her mid seventies that went to the beauty shop where they only have two hair colors  available , black and this awful pinkish grey blond color. If you are from Arizona, you know exactly what I am talking about. And at one time or the other every one here has had a laugh about it, the look of the Sun City hair. Well now..I look like one of them...this  is all to much. Look at me, I am too young for this.  
After I  finish this post, I am off to Walgreens or Walmart to get another box of color, hopefully that one will cover this mess that is my hair right now. I did consider going to the Beauty Shop for help but after a phone call and a quote given, decided I can finish my own mess. That would be a trip of last resort.
Eulogies 

Henry James once said, Sorrow comes in great waves...but it rolls over us, and though it may almost smother us, it leaves us on the spot and we know that if it is strong we are stronger inasmuch as it passes and we remain.
And if you are wondering how I could tie a hair disaster with eulogies...
Recieved an email today from work regarding my layoff. It was just a simple statement from a recent client of sorry to hear about Jean - she was a good person. Now doesn't that sound like like a statement someone would make after your death.  Perhaps I am being a bit touchy but after reading that email I did get teary eyed. My first responce was I am not dead, I am here alive in Gilbert. But being realistic, in a way I am dead, dead, gone and unable to help my past clients.  This is a time of struggle for anyone faced with this and I know that I am not alone. Need to keep the faith and know that I will get by this difficult part of my life, it like a passing. Certainly am glad that they thought I was a good person, not the wicked witch of the west or the lazy slob in the next cubicle. Though now do I need to write my eulogy? A eulogy for my job or for the person I was there?  I think I will ponder this for a while after I fix this Sun City hair color. 

One Week Later

Today was interesting, mix of taking some time for me(reconnected with an old friend) and actually  starting the dreaded task of sorting thru some of the items I brought home from work.
Did you ever wonder what to do with the all of the little nick nacks and trickets that collect in your office or  workspace after a number of years?  An elephant from an old friend, gone from this earth or the little bell from Idaho, or the ferry boat from Seattle?  There are pencils for every occasion, pictures of friends and thier childern, cards, caps and visors, an old bottle of what is now vinegar I am sure, a computer gargoyel, can of vienna sausages, an elephant back scratcher, toy trucks, water bottles from a now defunct home builder, a halloween ghost, a small christmas tree, a christmas tree candle holder, a cute taco bell dog complete with sun glasses and cap(he will join the others safe in the house), calender from an old friend, two wall clocks( one from Rich) pins, magnets, a dish full of pennies, pictures from friends, pictures of Christmas's past, a Harry Potter book, my cottage picture, M & M holders, wind chimes, a flag, mugs, a TY puppy (now on the monitor at home), pictures of my dogs that have left this earth and others items I can not think of at this moment...what to do with them?  And of course the wedding picture where I look like I had been drinking for a week. These things have been with me for years and actually I would look at some of them fondly, thinking of the memories almost every day.  Do you leave them in the garage to gather dust and be forgotten or some how incorporate them into your living space? I don't want the memories to fade or the wonderful thoughts behind some of the items.
I sorted thru some of them...until the hurt and tears started, decided on some items that I am worried about getting broked, then came in and got a couple of throws for those boxes which will remain covered for now.  Maybe next week I will be able to sort thru them again. Memories...what a blessing and a curse.

And the day after the first monday...

Yesterday...first monday is so many years that I didn't have a job to go to, felt empty and lost.  Didn't feel right...are we so defined as to our person or well being  that to be complete, acceptable  we are measured by our jobs and ability to produce an income.

First thing in the morning to keep busy I took our dogs, Barkley and Mattie May to the Gilbert dog park.  On the way, the irony hit me, no job, no place to go to earn a living and so a few tears where shed. These tears seem to pop up unexpectantly through out the day...hopefully in the future, it will be less and less.
The park was a success for the dogs...poor little Barkley fell in the lake, but he could swim and swim he did!  And he took to the water like a duck, called him and swam right over to me.  He never has been in a lake...great surprise and relief. And went back in he did to swim some more.
This will have to be a weekly adventure for us. All kinds of dogs and looked like all kinds of humans...good people watching I am sure.  Rough looking characters and the typical house wifes to name a few...we'll see where I fit in in the realm of dog park attendees or the unemployed.

My new challenge is to find all of the freebies and coupon adventures I can. Free money and what else do I have to do...to name a few...
spread cow manure on the front and back yard after planting the winter grass.
added new fall plants to the planters and hanging plants.
changed the front door hanging to Halloween.
cleaned out my car...today, maybe I will wash it.
ordered the replacement part for the diswasher...cost $3.81 and with shipping was $6.10..rip off.
called an old friend to meet for breakfast...will be good to reconnect with her.
cleaned the bathrooms.
entertained the inlaws for dinner.
And that was yesterday.
On to the library to check out books on resume writting.  The fear of not finding a job is real...read the article in Sunday's job section...even with professional resumes and coaching those three women have not found jobs.  Unsure were everything is leading...so scary. And I must admit I am also loney...no one but dogs, cats, kittens and a bird to talk to. No one close at hand to check on or ask how thier day is going. Think I need to get busy quickly...

What if I?

My thoughts today were a combination of what ifs, what if I hadn't been laid off and what if
I did ????
On to the new what ifs, at least now, they will be out there to think about and add to.
What if I start a consulting business...with who and focus?
What if I move out of state...where?
What if I buy that new Camero...it's hot!
What if I sell Real Estate...to who?  Need to find clients? Need to complete soon.
What if I hire a head hunter...is it worth the money?  And the results?
What if I find a job tomorrow...now that's silly!
What if I go back to school...what is interesting?  Honestly I don't have an idea about a direction here!
What if I start a  business redoing homes... this is probably the one that would bring me the greatest joy!
What if I do a resume...myself or do I hire a  professional?
What if I take time off...that has been my course of action for at least a month, do nothing, but my gut is telling me something different today.
What if I run away...now that sounds good...no more worries at least in this reality.
What if tomorrow I wake up and have the magic answer...there is hope.
What if tomorrow I wake up smiling and it is a great day....sounds like a wonderful thing!
Here's to hope.

The Beginning

And it has started...I am not much for writting at least not as well as my friends, this will be a new beginning for my writting skills and a life without the daily contact with my friends at work though would rather call them family because they shared my life for the last fifteen years or more.

Yes, I was laid off but I still can smile, get wonderful calls from friends, have lunch with dear dear friends and share some laughs. This will be a continual exercise to keep smiling, at times it seems totally out of control and so sad and others...well it was wonderful and what a life.

Yesterday was my last day at work, turned some projects over to thier new PM's, finished my last time sheet, worked for the last time on Layton Lakes for Jeff Gunderson, finished packing the last few boxes with cherished items and gifts,had lunch with a wonderful young lady who I admire for her courage, thoughtfulness, and funny stories, shared some of the best sweet potatoe fries I have ever had, said good bye to some wonderful people, gave my water gun away, shared smiles and cried with Lani who I consider my second daughter( but don't let her know), laughed with others, had a massage from a wonderful friend, my office was filled for the last time with friends, wishing me well, time spent with Jackie(discuss her later) and after empting the office, leaving the building, walking to my car..there was a sign! No, no a cat! Cats have been overwhelming presence in my live the last few months..no its been kittens..about 20 of them. Well I am digressing, this cat's name is Sonny Boy, a young male cat that lives in the neighborhood and is the spitting image of his father. Jackie and I have been feeding nieghborhood cats for years, Sonny Boy's father was one of the first batch of cats that needed feeding. Haven't seen him for months, the ferels don't show thier faces in the heat of summer, but when it starts cooling off...there they are and there he was. Grown up now and filled out and I firmly believe he was saying good bye. Sat and looked at me and Jackie for a few minutes and then went to the feed bowls, where I took this picture. I must admit I cried for the past and the future, but some how I know it will be alright.